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Are you seeking change?  If we’re honest, we all have things we want to change about ourselves or the way we live our lives. Perhaps you want to improve your relationship, learn to relax, conquer a fear, or gain more confidence. Iris Barrow believes there is a lot we can do to help ourselves when we’re seeking change or experiencing difficulties. There are times when we might need the professional help of a counsellor or psychologist. Whether we want to make change independently or work with a professional, there is a lot to be gained from self-study. Iris Barrow, a provider of counselling services for over 25 years, has developed a series of powerful and practical resources to help you make the changes you’re seeking. There are books and CDs (and digital downloads) on how to deal with anxiety and depression, relationship problems, tricky people, low self-esteem, workplace issues and much more. Contact Iris if you’d like help choosing the resource that’s right for you.

Words of Wisdom Try something new. It can be invigorating to take up a new skill just beyond our comfort level. What extends us, can often help us grow. It’s also been shown that it can make us smarter, especially if it’s an activity that engages the brain such as learning a language or ballroom or Latin dancing. We might make some new friends in the process too!

Ask Iris I'm lonely Q: I am 25 and used to have a good circle of friends to do things with. That's all changed. Most of my girlfriends have boyfriends and don't call me like they used to. Sometimes I can feel quite lonely, especially at the weekends. Read Answer

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Life Skills

Stop worrying so much

(Adapted from the book, Know your Strengths and Be Confident)

When I was in my twenties and before I got into counselling work, I used to be a worrier. I worried about everything from whether the car would break down to what to cook for dinner. If I wasn’t worrying about anything, then I would worry why I wasn’t worrying about anything! Fortunately, after a lot of reading, talking to people and doing some serious soul-searching, I realised that life wasn’t meant to be lived with such a fearful outlook and I took steps to break the worry habit.
Yes, worrying can very quickly become a habit and it makes us anxious, tense and unhappy and doesn’t get us anywhere. It doesn’t help us solve the real problems we face any better either, in fact it can start to create problems.

How many of the things you worried about over the past month actually eventuated? If we are honest with ourselves, we generally find that at least three quarters of what we worry about never happens. That’s a lot of mind-space and energy gone to waste that we could have channelled into other things, like enjoying ourselves more, or solving problems that really warranted our attention.

Of course it’s natural to feel concerned for yourself or others if something bad happens. If a friend becomes ill or has a serious accident, concern for their welfare occupies a lot of our thinking and can affect us very deeply on an emotional level. Note I’ve used the word ‘concern’ here, not worry. Reasonable concern is different from worry. Concern can motivate us to do things that are necessary for our own, and other people’s betterment. Sensitive, caring people experience concern in many areas. They are concerned about their fellow human beings and society as a whole. On a personal level, they are concerned about the people and things that matter to them. Concern will make us more sensitive and aware; worry will render us less effective and less able to cope. For example, concern to protect ourselves from hardship may motivate us to set aside some money for an emergency; worry will tie us up in knots so that we can’t cope effectively if an emergency occurs.

Are you a chronic worrier? Is your gut-level response to most things one of fearfulness, anxiety and expectation of the worst? If it is, don’t worry! It is never too late to break the worry habit.

1. Make a list of the things you regularly worry about. How many are factually based? Do you have a real cause to worry? You will probably find that many of your worries are the result of a tendency towards negative thinking. ‘Reprogramming’ yourself to think more positively will help to reduce anxiety and hence you’ll worry less.

For further strategies on how to break the worry habit, subscribe to my newsletter.

For more indepth advice, read Know your Strengths and Be Confident.

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